How far can I go?

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In recent days my spiritual life been at risk and on the line with some intruders of the world. I made myself complete satanic and behaved so bad about the living I have. With my family ,friends and others I behaved rude used a lot of words which hurt the hearts and more than them I felt pain . Because am aware what am doing and I can only clarify and justify myself that am doing this to test the bad in me and how far can I go with this attitude? . At one or two phases it ruined me and shaped me but the next day started with the same behaviour.
I know I need to change but am not ugly hearted but I learned to behave in this way to know what I am. No ,actually I gave my control to the Satan and without my involvement it is controlling me. I became a puppet in its hand. I felt that am using the bad but the bad is using me as a weapon to spoil me and spread its territory. And trying to ruin me by its traps but the LORD never let me go away from his sight the extended love and the kindness of him is with me even at my dark. I may feel happy in this temporary feeling but I do know that this will not last forever ,there are jerks I faced this year and those are biggest knockouts in my life and left the bruices on my mentality . The behavior I have now is not the one I dreamed of it came as a support to the evil and it showing me the world attractions to create a huge separation between me and my creator but the thing is my Father in heaven is the one who takes the control back in me and I will be the same guy like the backlash.
Here I demand for my glory and name back to me. I cannot go any far more than this.