Anger management now became a very essential for all of us. Now it's crucial part in all our lives, since anger got it's roots rooted unto the depths of the individuals and it became the reason for disputes if not controlled.
It will cause enough damage to both the parties, even one with peace mind will get hurt when the anger takes a form and shape. We have to learn to avoid such hurtful moments.
Anger management is practised in two cases
- Self-Anger Management
- Others Anger Management
There are many methods we know on how to keep our anger under control. Some tips are helpful to all of us, while some fails. It completely different from each person. Some like cold and some like hot, it's all in our wired brain.
“Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs” - Henry Ford
Here we are going to see how the vintage principle of ruling and strategy ‘Divide & Rule' helps us to meet the Anger Management. How it can be applied here.
Application Of ‘Divide & Rule' In Self-Anger Management :
Self-anger management is what we all follow when we are into the unfavorable situations which cause us anger. This varies from person to person.
How divide & rule principle helps us here is by numbering the situations severity which are the strong reasons for us to get angry.
This numbering will help us to analysis and then to prevent the repetition of the similar problem in the future.
Divide & Rule means to breakdown the complex problem into several small groups. And then identifying the very less influencing thing and later eliminating it as a part of our solution. Confused? Let's see how it can be done with a brief example.
Vani is a software engineer, she has to deal with lot of stress in her professional life as well as in her personal life too. This vigorous stress lead her to short temper. She doesn't even know what she does in that angry flow, this eventually became her habit.
One day on the advice of a family member, she realised how badly she is behaving when she is drowned in anger. She realised that toxicity and began to think to overcome it. What she decided in the end is to implement ‘ % & Rule'.
She took a pen and journal and wrote down all the negatives in her and those situations which drives her close to anger. It looked like this…
My angriest moments :
- I get angry daily, early in the morning on my car driver who doesn't show up in time.
- Then on that ice-cream parlour seller, who sells my favourite flavour to those who comes for a morning walk.
- Then I get mad on my inferiors at the office, they are too lazy to finish the task in time.
- Then in the evening I get angry due to traffic.
As soon as she completed this list, she began to think practically on all the above things. First one, about the driver is the ‘weaker’ issue if she gives any particular number, she numbers it low, say <1. Since it's weak she has to sort this out first, this is what we call divide and rule. Here we are not ruling any nation, but our own thinking.
Vani's morning is ruined with this late-driver, her mood disturbs here and fills her mind with all the pessimistic thoughts ‘I'll be late', “I can't get that ice-cream’ etc.
She learnt how to drive the car in a month. Now, there is no need to shout on anyone. Later, she began to go for a morning walk and grabbed her favourite flavoured ice-cream without missing.
After another month, she started to assist her juniors in finishing the task and projects in time. She solved their doubts which they are scared to ask her in the past due to her angry behavior.
Now, everything is fine with Vani, her day starts off with cheerfulness and morning walk keeps her fit and healthy, she earned much respect now from her colleagues. All the positivity surrounded her now. Result? She is free from that short-temper.
Divide and rule helped her to get back normal life. She divided the problems and found the less intensity one (here the late coming driver) and solved it first.
In this way even we can apply the same ‘% & Rule' principle in our lives in Self-Anger Management.
Application of ‘Divide And Rule' In Others Anger Management :
This is some kind of hacking, here we need to figure out the outcome of the other person with whom we are conversing. Body language, gestures and pitch of the voice are our tools.
Self-anger management is personal, but this is something which is not related to our kind. We have to map the result in our mind first to get out of the wrath of anger.
In the earlier post discussed that anger-anger is not a solution to avoid the fight. There we've seen this ‘Divide & Rule’ principle. Now let's see in detail how does it actually applicable in this case.
“Divide each difficulty into as many parts as is feasible and necessary to resolve it” - Rene Descartes
Disputes occurs between two because of two reasons, one is misunderstanding and the other is anger. Anger turns gentle personality into a worst one, unfortunately it is an instant poison which will kill a good impression on us in a very less period of time.
It is hard to estimate the amount of anger that the opposite person possess. And if we don't have an insight into his/her life before, it's impossible to say what makes them mad.
So, divide & rules principle fails in case of strangers. We cannot apply this on a person whom we don't know much.
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| Embedded image courtesy Betty Miller/freeimages.com |
Those who are close to us, it is bit easier. We have to figure out correctly which are the situations, conversations, words, persons, places, etc. are getting them angry. And why? Here, this question ‘why' is itself the solution. As it brings us all the various reasonable reasons on why they are mad at particular things.
If we need to handle them, do the same process as mentioned above in the Self-Anger Management. Do the same as Vani did. Write down their reasons and find the ‘weaker’ one in your sight. Don't bother about their view on that particular area, it is a solution for us to handle them, not them to handle us. Our opinion counts here.
After doing writing work, check if you are there in any of the written reasons. If you are there reason for his/her bad mood then the correction must be done, or else we have to walk away from them.
After necessary corrections, visit the same person and try not to raise the topics before them which will make them angry. Prioritize the severity of the words and situations, if possible try to explain them, if not completely delete the topic.
This will prevent lot of misunderstandings and quarrels. If we observe clearly, behind a huge rivalry there lies a very silly reason. It is only silly to us because they didn't think like we do.
Am happy to share my own opinion on applying the principle in the anger management. Am eagerly waiting for your views. Do share what you think about this, also share if you have any new ideas :)
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